tonight lets celebrate not being married
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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