As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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