Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize