sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
