last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Dear god my vagina.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
