I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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