His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You can't just leave with hair like that
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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