i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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