Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize