we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
