Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
