I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
