we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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