we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My ass is underappreciated
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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