So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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