Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
