I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
