so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
