so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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