She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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