I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
