I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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