I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
