I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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