I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
