Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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