Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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