I'm really into asian looking animals
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
