so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
