"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
