Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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