apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize