I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
