she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
