My liver just broke up with me...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
