sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
