this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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