I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
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