There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
