its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
