She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
