she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
