just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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