So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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