I could make wine with my vomit
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
