I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
