Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
