Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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