i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
