She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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