I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
