i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
