I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
