Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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