Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
