I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize