Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize