she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
