do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize