I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
