The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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