Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
