even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
