So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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