I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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