it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
