You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize
