Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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