saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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