Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize