I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
