so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
