Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
