if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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