And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Im part way to drunk.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
