he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
