i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
