I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
two words...techno handjob
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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