Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he was CRYING into my vagina
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
What happened to fro yo and sex?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
